#28: The One Mindset Shift That Transformed The Way I Deal With Stress And Overwhelm Forever
Episode Shownotes
How often do you describe yourself as ‘overwhelmed’?
What if that could be a good thing?
In so many conversations I have had this year, people have described how stressed and overwhelmed they are feeling. In this episode I will define a refreshing—and perhaps brand new—perspective on how you can manage stress and overwhelm.
Join me as I discuss my personal experiences and offer practical tips for managing these feelings. The truth is stress can be healthy and a natural part of personal growth and expansion. A certain level of overwhelm means you are exploring the area outside your comfort zone, which are all good things.
The key is transforming your mindset to change the way you view stress and overwhelm, and in doing so, altering the way you can manage stress in your life.
Whether you are a student, creative entrepreneur, or someone struggling to manage the everyday stresses of life, this podcast has something for you.
“Stress and overwhelm is a dichotomy to be managed, not something to be fixed.” —Leila Hormozi
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Episode Transcript
Emily Peilan: “If you try to lessen and run from overwhelm, you lessen your potential for life.” –Leila Hormozi
Welcome back my Beautiful Humans to another episode. Today we're gonna be talking about stress and overwhelm. One of the things that has been coming up a lot for me and the people around me, especially freelancers, entre. I just feel like the theme of this year so far has been overwhelmed. You know?
And I ask anybody, any of my friends, like, Hey, how's it going? How's business? I feel like the biggest, the most common response I've gotten is I'm just so overwhelmed. You know, I'm just so stressed. And and it's the same story for me as well, like the first two months of this year, well, just this year, and also last.
Every single year has been quite overwhelming and quite stressful, and sometimes there are periods where you feel less of it. There are periods where you know, work is going well, things are going smoothly, and. You know, that's cool. But more often than not, I would say 25% of the time things go smoothly.
75%, if not more. It's like shit hits the fan, this isn't working out. You know, you don't have enough client inquiries coming in or you're hitting a dry spell, or you. Team things. You're trying to grow a team and, and it's just like left, right center pulling you and you've got this new project idea and you're just trying to fit everything in as well as still being a human having a social life and, and all the things.
And so, overwhelmed is definitely real. Burnout is definitely real. I know so many people who are on the verge of burning out as well. And so, Yeah, just in light of all the stories I've heard and my own experiences, I wanted to share my own experience with stress and overwhelm, but more like from a perspective of how I've learned to deal with it.
Because at some point I just realized that it's never gonna go away. Like you will always have stress and overwhelm and as long as you are grow. you will experience stress and overwhelm. Like that is literally the definition of growing and being outside Your comfort zone is being stressed and being overwhelmed and challenging yourself.
Right? And so if you're not stressed and overwhelmed, then you are actually not growing. So, Recently just with my business mentors and been tuning into a lot of like podcasts and YouTube videos. Just from like really influential, inspiring entrepreneurs like Layla Homo, I think you really enjoy her content, by the way.
And she had of mind blowing perspective or sh reframe on. And overwhelm. And so I wanted to share that with you as well as how I personally deal with overwhelm now. Reframe perspectives and, and yeah, just how I like manage that through daily habits. And yeah. So let's get. . I think one of the biggest problems when people start feeling stressed and overwhelmed is that they immediately label it as, Bad.
Like it's a bad feeling to have. I don't want to feel stressed. I don't want to feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed. I shouldn't feel this way. I want to feel you know, the opposite of that. And, and so they kind of avoid it and resist it altogether. And for me personally, it's like, Oh, I'm stressed and overwhelmed.
It means I don't have my shit together and I'm unorganized and that's why I'm overwhelmed and already labeling as bad. And the problem is me and I am like a, a problem to be fixed. Right. And then I also think, you know, like, oh mate, I deserve to feel overwhelmed because if I wasn't so lazy and I actually had my shit together, maybe I wouldn't be in this position.
I wouldn't be stressed, I wouldn't be overwhelmed. And so it's kind of like labeling. Feeling as bad and on top of you are, you are kind of bashing yourself. I'm, I'm bashing myself, for having gotten myself into this position. And so this is just like negative or negative and it's just this negative cycle this vicious cycle loop that doesn't really do anything for you.
It doesn't help you to get out of it. And really, so what I've learned. through time and, and through just reflections and in my meditations and, and talking to mentors, it's that, it's like our need to label things as good or bad is what causes us to suffer. Like what if overwhelm wasn't bad? What if it was a good feeling?
To have. What if feeling overwhelmed meant that you are growing and showing up outside of your comfort zone? There is really no good or bad. It simply is. And, you know, say you are overwhelmed. Okay, cool. Do you want to feel more or less overwhelmed than you currently are? It's not that it's a good or bad.
You can argue both sides, right? Good, and it can be bad. And so it's more like the extent of the overwhelm that you're feeling. Do you want to feel more or less of it? And if you wanna feel less of it, then great. You know, let's, let's do something about that and get, and, and, and let's do something to yeah, kind of balance that out instead of constantly being in this perpetual negative loop and drowning in your own sub stories and this drama triangle of problems, right?
No matter what you do in life, what kind of job you do or how much money you earn, like you will always have problems, you'll always have overwhelm. I think what I've realized now, what's kind of given me kind of the sigh of relief almost, it's that like you will always have over overwhelm, you'll always have stress and as to what extent you want to have that right now.
And so your actions will dictate whether or not you feel more or less of it. So if you take say, positive actions to lessen you're overwhelm, then you'll feel less of it. If you continue thinking in this negative vicious cycle loop, then you will for sure feel more of it and also procrastinate and therefore have even more things to stress.
And so I wanted to share a quote by Layla Hoi. I saw this on her YouTube video where she did one on stress and overwhelm, and it just resonated so much with me. I, I had to share it. So she said, stress and overwhelm is a dichotomy to be managed, not something to be fixed. And so basically what this means is it, it's this idea that stress and o.
Are not things that can be completely eliminated or, or fixed. It's not like, it's not like either it's there or it's not. It just is always there. And rather it's like a scale of relativity. To what extent do you feel stressed? To what extent do you feel overwhelmed, rather than never feeling it at all.
And so it's like a natural dichotomy that must be managed. So in simple terms, Basically they are inevitable parts of life, and instead of trying to remove them completely, we just need to learn how to manage them and find ways to cope with them. For example, meditation, working out or spa dates. Another great mindset reframe I got from Layla was, don't let your brain keep you small.
So your brain does this thing called cognitive distortion, which is basically like a negative thinking pattern where your brain. Distorts reality to fit what it thinks is safe for you. So your brain is basically there to keep you alive and help you survive. It's not necessarily there to help you thrive or to succeed.
And so your brain thinks, okay, if there's a slight chance or a big chance that you might fail, it will actually create stories, right? Stories where if you go out there and you try to, I don't know, chase after your dreams or do this or do that be different, then your brain is like, no, we can't do that.
It will create many more negative stories to prevent you from doing that. Then it is going to create positive stories for you to go ahead and do that, because that is just how we are wired evolutionary, right? And so, With that in mind and knowing that your brain and this cognitive distortion is here to help you survive, not thrive, then if you try to lessen and run from overwhelm and run from and resist what would help you live a more expansive life than you are lessening your potential for?
in that sentence just completely blew my mind. Right. And I've had multiple dozens of mentor breakdowns this year, and I thank goodness I have the most amazing business mentor, Brian E. And I was writing to her and just kind of like ranting to her a little bit and just being like, oh, I'm so stressed and I'm so overwhelmed by all the things.
And she said something to. So profoundly, I had to write it down and I wanted to share with you below. And this is from Brian Mackenzie from Untapped. She said, here's the thing, you will be, and you'll forever be overwhelmed when you are on your edge, right? You chose a wild path When you're expanding, it's part of the evolution, and I want you to look and.
Where am I trying to control everything? Trying to have everything perfect? Where am I not wanting to feel the overwhelm? How can I regulate my body and my mind and remind myself that I'm safe and that everything's fucking made up and that nothing is required of me in this moment? When you're overwhelmed, learn how to regulate and play within it.
That was such a huge mindset shift for me at the time, and actually ever since then. I feel like whenever I do now experience overwhelm and stress, I remind myself that it's just a game. Right? And I get to enjoy it a little bit more and not take it so seriously and not take it so personally and not beat myself up about it.
Right? I really just seeing it, everything as a game, like everything is made up, right? Nothing really matters. Like nothing in this world matters. We put meaning. We make things matter to us, right? And so having that power to, to make certain things matter more or less also really helped me when, when I'm dealing with certain situations.
And so I wanted to share like three things I've created or cultivated in my life that now really helped me deal with. . So the first thing is reframing of perspective, because usually when we're in overwhelm, when we're stressed out, it's easy to kind of avoid the responsibility of having made this situation happen.
And we kind of wanna be in the victim mindset subconsciously. We don't realize it, but it's like, asking yourself, where am I stuck in the drama triangle? Where am I not seeing things objectively right? Where am I putting the blame on someone or something else? For me being now in this victim position right.
And then consequently, where am I labeling things? Situations, experiences as good or bad, and can I just see what is the reality versus what is the, the story that I'm creating? Right? Because when you, when you see things as reality, it just. it. You just realize, you just, it's so much lighter. You're like, oh, right.
It doesn't have to feel so heavy when you are making up a story. When you're in that victim mindset, when you are in that drama triangle, it drains your emotional reserve like so much, and all that extra energy could actually go towards being productive and getting yourself out of that overwhelm, out of that stress number.
Removing and discarding anything from your to-do list that is less than a seven or a 10 out of urgent. Because usually when I am looking at, I get overwhelmed because I have like a forever long, infinite list of things to do and like five projects on the go and I wanna do this and I wanna do that. And I am putting that pressure.
An expectation on myself, no one is putting that on me. And so when I realized that I put it on myself, therefore I can take it off myself. I look through my projects and I identify the ones that are the most important and urgent. . And you can think of as like, if you're spinning lots of balls, which ones are the glass balls and which ones are the plastic balls?
Right. The, the ones that you should keep and do are the ones that are glass balls, because if they fall then they're gonna smash into a million pieces. Right. And which ones are the plastic balls? Which, you know, if you drop 10 of them, it doesn't matter. They'll just stay there and you can pick them up again later.
Right. And so that's how I like to reframe it. And that just takes so much. Me and, you know, I'll whittle my list from like, I don't know, 10, 20 things to do, down to like three main things. Like what is the focus of this quarter? What is the focus of your year, what are the things that you should actually be focusing on, and what are things that were distractions that you placed importance on, but they're actually not that important, right?
And number. . This is quite a contradicting one, but do something that stresses you out even more, but in a controlled environment. So for example forcing you, forcing yourself to experience like extreme discomfort and stress either every day or like, you know, three, four times a week for short periods of time.
And you'll notice that your tolerance to. Will increase. And some examples that people tend to enjoy doing for discomfort. Things like taking cold showers or ice baths and being there for a minute, three minutes, you know, whatever, you know, your, your tolerance level is. For others it's like I, intense workouts, right?
Just doing a really high intensity workout stressing, like really stressing your muscles, sweating like crazy. And. No one wants to do that, right? But when you actually put yourself in a position where you know your body is stressed, but in a controlled environment, you come back to your work where you are also stressed.
But on that relativity scale, it's like it's not so bad anymore because you have this, you oftentimes we just need something to contrast. What we're currently experiencing, we need a scale of relativity. Right. Another example for me, it's like underwater breath holds. If you follow me on Instagram, you'll know that I really enjoy pushing my limits underwater and seeing how far I can go.
And I started at kind of like 25, 35 meters and I then moved myself up to like getting to 50 meters. And that was my. minimum. And now recently I was like doing 60 meters and 65 meters, and now I'm 67 meters and I'm almost at 70 meters underwater. My goal is to get to 75 meters underwater on one breath.
And for me, I do this at the moment, I'm lucky. I have, I live really close to a swimming pool. At the moment. I've been trying to do this three times a week, and on Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays when I. Those are consequently my most productive days and the days where I feel least amount of overwhelmed because I do something in the morning, like six o'clock, I'm like finished at the pool, you know?
I do something that really stresses me up to the max. Like when I come up after that breath hold, my entire body is like basical. Vibrating and, and it feels all tingly and numb and all the things. And I know I've just maxed myself out to, to the very edge. And anything else I do that day is like a piece of cake.
So it's like, what is your thing? What is something that you can do to really stretch your comfort level and increase your tolerance to. and fun fact, actually, I was reading a book, I think it was called Driven, I can't remember the author's name, but it was a great book and he was saying how.
Entrepreneurs who had like a rough background or really disjointed childhood with lots of moving actually tend to be rather successful entrepreneurs once they figure out how to channel their energy because they've had such a high tolerance to change and stress more than most people. Who've had a comfortable life.
They have, they this better ability to adapt faster and therefore like putting yourself, so like if you didn't have destroyed a childhood or you didn't have a rough childhood, like that's a fantastic thing, right? But so how can you eman. That for yourself now in order to increase your tolerance level to stress is by putting yourself in discomfort, right?
On a daily basis or weekly basis. And in a way that's the secret to most people's success or to most successful people, I would say. It's just, it's something that most people would rather not do. And I would say one of the reasons why I think I was able to grow my business rather quickly, and quickly is also relative is due to my putting myself out there two new experiences, traveling, backpacking, you know, learning new things so I can pick up motorcycle riding.
and I don't even ride a motorcycle. And just like constantly trying to put myself in a position where I'm outside my comfort zone. Right. And that has really helped me. It so much because when it comes to learning a new skill in business or when it comes to something really difficult or making a difficult decision or something like that, I am already like trained my brain in like through real life experiences, through traveling to make those decisions fast.
Right to. to handle my stress, to handle my overwhelm. Like I already do it a lot when I am traveling solo. And so when it comes to business, it's just a matter of like reframing and, and tweaking a few things so that I can create some practices that helps me decrease overwhelm and stress when it comes to.
So I hope that if you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed about something that after listening to this episode you have a healthy perspective or just a different perspective and a mindset shift and relationship towards your stress and your overwhelm, and I would love to hear. You know, what are some of the practices that you would cultivate for yourself in order to manage that dichotomy?
And I would love to hear it. Please send me a DM on Instagram at Emily Peilan. I love connecting with you guys. I get some really beautiful feedback on these episodes and people sharing them privately or just, just messaging me. And so I love hearing feedback. It. Keeps me going really. And I'd love to hear also.
Yeah. What, what else? What topics would you love to know more about? What are some of your biggest questions about. Business, freelancing, traveling solo, digital nomad lifestyle. Yeah, I'd love to hear more of what you'd like to hear so that I can create more of those episodes for you. Amazing. So I'm gonna wrap off here, have the most beautiful, magical day, and I will see you in the next episode…
