#12: Navigating Your Early 20s and My Top 7 Best Advice
Episode Shownotes
Is it too late to start something new in your 20s?
This episode is a love letter to all of the humans navigating the pressures of their early 20s—you aren’t alone, and I’m holding space for you.
This is a time to experiment with life, get to know yourself, and lead a life true to your values and curiosity. In this episode, I share the seven key lessons and perspectives I’ve embraced over the years. Each of these lessons can be applied to your dreams and visions for your life while releasing you from the societal pressure to have it all together.
I’m 27 and the most confident, self-assured I’ve ever been; This has only happened because I’ve recovered from failures and defied expectations of what life should look like. These lessons are what have brought me here and will take me further than I thought possible.
Remember: Follow the nudges. Never stop dreaming big. Find the courage to overcome the fear of failure. Get to know yourself deeply. Learn how to say no. Stop giving so many fucks about what everyone else is doing.
“When you surround yourself with inspiring, uplifting, expansive people, you will soar.”
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Episode Transcript
Is it too late to start something new in your 20s?
Should I just keep going on this career path or climbing up the corporate ladder just because that's what I studied?
Should I get married and have a family with this person, because we've been together, what X amount of years?
You're in your 20s, and you feel like you have to have the rest of your life planned out for you. That's pretty stressful. I feel like there is so much pressure on young people in their 20s to have everything figured out, and that what you are, where you're at in your mid-20s, or in the end of your 20s is kind of like how your life should be for the rest of your life.
And that is just not quite so relevant anymore, not to our generation. And I definitely felt the pressure in my early 20s to have all my shit figured out. And I felt like a massive failure to my parents and a disappointment to my parents, to myself, to the world, to just everything because I didn't know what I wanted to do.
I didn't know who I was in the world. What I was good at. So while my 20s have been a beautiful, crazy experiment, wild adventure, of just discovering myself, on my own for the first time without, you know, so many external inputs. I think, from such a young age, we get told almost who we are or who we're going to be and, and that conditioning sticks with us all through our adolescent years.
Until our 20s, I think some of us have the courage to challenge the conditioning to challenge what's been passed down to us, some things we never really asked for. In this episode, I wanted to share my thoughts, my lessons, and my perspectives on being 27 now and looking back at where I was in my early 20s.
For anyone out there who is in their early 20s at the moment, perhaps you might find some solace.
In this episode, I'll be sharing some tips, and lessons I've learned. And basically, if you're freaking out, by the end of this episode, I hope you feel less freaked out by life, less freaked out by your 20s.
The older I get, actually, I remember having a mental or not mental breakdown, but a bit of a life breakdown. When I turned 24, I thought my life was over. Because I was turning 25 the next year, and I'm creeping closer to 30. And then that's basically just the end of my life like life stops at 30.
What a sad perspective to have! I had so many people telling me like, Emily, you know, when you hit 25, when you hit 26, it's all fucking downhill from there. And I believed that for like, the longest time and but that the truth is—well, for me, I can only speak for myself—every year I've gotten older and closer to my 30s, the more confident I've become, the more self-assured I am, the happier I am. The more successful I am just in myself, my own self-growth. And so yeah, I'm excited to share these.
I've got seven things here, so let's get into it.
Tip number one, experiment with life.
And just go out and explore and try lots of different things, lots of different avenues. And don't limit yourself to just one thing because you had committed to it or because, I don't know, you felt like you should. I think if you have the curiosity to try out photography, go do photography. If you feel a nudge to design or to go make coffees, become a kayaking guide I think your 20s is like the best time to go and explore and experiment, gather data for yourself, know yourself really well, like, this is what I liked about this, this is what I didn't like about this, oh, I'm actually really good at this.
There are things that you learn through different jobs through different experiments, where you're like, oh, I didn't realise, but I'm actually a people person, or I actually really love working with people or need to work with people. That's what makes me super happy. You only know that when you try different things and you've got a big database to draw your inference from.
Number two, get to know yourself and go really deep.
And I would even say not just spiritual, although spiritual as well—people have different definitions of it—but do the deep personal growth work, really get to know yourself. And if you do the work, now, the early you start, like in your 20s, kind of mid-20s, life gets so much easier, and you suffer a lot less. You see the world differently, and you are able to overcome stressful situations and obstacles and challenges with a different mindset.
You stop seeing life as when shitty things happen to you; you stop seeing yourself as a victim, and everybody else has it so good. You start to flip that, and you're like, everything is happening for me. The world of personal growth is so, so big; there are so many different points to it. But definitely get started, read books, and listen to podcasts.
If you know someone who's a coach, I think coaches are amazing. To be honest, I've worked with a few business coaches myself and so just there are so many different areas where you can get coaching in: relationships, business, there's your health, and then there's your just personal mindset in general. There's so many areas of your life that you can go deeper, you can get to know yourself better, what you need, how you respond, and how you can better communicate.
Truly, your life will get so much easier if you put in the work and move through those uncomfortable truths and face them now rather than later.
Tip number three, surround yourself with people who inspire you, and who you feel energised by.
I personally have no problem letting go of toxic people or relationships. I think I've had a few people say, Oh, but it's not cool that you only have friends who give you something and people who don’t you're not friends with. They saw it as like I'm only friends with somebody if they're beneficial for me or something?
And I'm like, yes and no, you know, it depends what your values are. And, for me, I don't care what you do, what your profession is, how much money you make, or what cool things you have or don't have. For me, my criteria you could say is people who energise me, who are able to go deep in conversations with me, and basically, at the end of spending time with this person, I asked myself, do I feel more energised? Having spent time with this person, or did I feel drained by this person? And that is really all I need to ask myself, all I need to know.
And yes, of course, it's sad that there are certain people you would love to spend more time with, because they're a special friend, or even family member, but being around them drains you. And it is a hard thing to do to realise that you need to, perhaps, spend less time with this person and to set boundaries for yourself because it is like you are the sum of, you know, the top five people you surround yourself with. And it really is so true, especially in your 20s
When I first got out of high school, I think I was surrounding myself with a lot of people who valued partying and shallow conversations. It was quite toxic, I had a lot of toxic friendships, I think. At some point, I realised along my travels, when I actually met healthy friendships and supportive friendships and encouraging inspiring friendships, I realised I could let these I can let my toxic relationships and friendships go. It made a huge difference. Really, don't hesitate to let go of toxic people in your life; that is all I will say.
Because when you surround yourself with inspiring, uplifting, expansive people, you will soar.
Tip number four, learn to say no.
And know when something isn't for you. Be okay with letting go of misaligned opportunities. And with that, just learn to know what it is that you want and stay in your lane. A lot of us get shiny object syndrome and go we could do this, I could do this. And while I did say tip number one, experiment with life—super important to do a lot of different things—however, as long as it's not against your values.
Oftentimes we will be tested, you will be tested a lot in your 20s. Do you want to do this? You want to do this, and a few things might actually be misaligned with your values or the lifestyle that you want to have. You might feel like oh, I should say yes to this because it's a good opportunity, and other people are doing it. And other people are thriving or doing really well; I should do this! But if that's actually misaligned with your values and where you want to be in life, or who you want to be, I really wish that I hope for you that you have the courage to say no, and to stay in your lane.
And to be okay with that because and to see it as like a test as well. For example, or I can think of one particular instance wherein you know, selling, you know, being an FBA seller on Amazon or something like drop shipping and all that stuff that was like really hot and popular back in, I don't know, 2018. I seriously considered it, I researched the shit out of this business model. And I very, very, very closely, I dabbled in it a little bit. And I very nearly went all in. But then it just felt super misaligned.
But there are so many people out there who are like, doing it and making a killing from it and I was like, I just want this freedom so badly. And I wanted to work online, and I wanted to have passive income. And I wanted it so badly, but I knew that this wasn't the way for me. It felt incredibly misaligned to who I was to my values and what kind of business I wanted to run, and so I energetically said no to that opportunity.
About a year later, I yeah, just stumbled across a few people and opportunities that then brought web design into my life. When I when that got presented to me, I was like, this is it. This is the thing, the opportunity that I have been waiting for that feels super aligned. I'm so glad I had the courage to say no because a better and more aligned opportunity got to present itself.
Tip number five, learn the art of not giving so many fucks
And stop taking everything so personally. For me, this is probably the hardest lesson to have learned. I care deeply; I care deeply about so many things; I care about how people see me; I care about just people in general.
I'm very conflict-averse. I want to make everybody happy and want everybody to like being around me. And so it's really hard for me to accept that I am not for everybody. And that's okay! And that when somebody says something, it's not always a stab at me; it doesn't always mean that they hate me. It just means that they had a thought, and they wanted to voice their thought and share some feedback with me.
I can choose to take it personally, or I can choose to see it as an opportunity to grow and thank the person for sharing that with me. But it is definitely hard, especially as a female as well. Because we have been so conditioned to care a lot, give a lot of fucks. And so the way I kind of got over this, I moved to Germany. That's how I got over it.
No, but really, I think in certain countries, especially New Zealand, Australia, the UK, and the States, people generally are quite conflict-averse. They're quite nice. If they have bad feedback to give you, they'll usually sidestep around it, and double triple sugarcoat things. Which is nice, but also not super effective. It really shocked me when I went to Germany, and people just say what's on their minds quite directly. I was really offended by everything and everybody for a really long time and then I realised, oh, they don't mean it in a bad way; they just say it and then it's off their chest.
They move on, whereas other people sugarcoat things because they didn't fully say what they wanted to say so that resentment stays with them. And then the person they were trying to communicate there didn't quite get it, and they keep doing the thing and then the resentment just builds. Whereas I think with a lot of my German friends, they would just tell me as it is, and I'd be like, okay, cool. Thanks for letting me know, and no hard feelings. Cheers for letting me know.
I definitely built up a bit of a stronger armour, let's say, there in Germany. And I definitely adapted to people being more direct. Now I actually really, really appreciate people who are zero-bullshit. Just tell you as it is. Not brutally honest, but like, honest, you know, just why sugarcoat things when you can just say it as it is? I'm someone who's guilty of sugarcoating many things. Because I can't, I can't offend people. I can't give people bad news; I really struggle with that. But I'm trying to be better, and one of the things I keep saying to myself is okay Emily, what is the most honest thing you can say right now? What is the most truest thing you can say? And then how can we make it even more like, honest and less fluffy? And just getting to the point, I'm still working on this.
I'm not gonna lie. I haven't quite figured this out. I just know that I give far fewer fucks than I did when my early 20s. I've stopped taking everything so personally, but I still take a few things personally. But hopefully not forever, a work in progress. I really admire people who really are just so themselves and really don't care so much about what other people think of them. Not in an arrogant way, but just like in a they own this way. They know themselves sort of way and they're so self-confident and self-assured in their decisions in what they're saying. It's so admiring and inspiring for me. Definitely helps to surround yourself with people like that, as well.
Tip number six, overcome your fear of failing
We get told at school, all through our lives, you know, if we fail, if we get something wrong, we're reprimanded for it; there are consequences for it, we feel stupid, we get told that we're stupid. And it basically conditions us in a way or programmes us to be afraid of failing and that we don't want to fail. And actually, in this day and age, actually just in every, in every day and age, I think it's important to fail because if you don't fail, you don't learn. And it's not necessarily you have to fail to learn, but there are certain lessons you learn from failing and then getting back up again that you wouldn't learn if you never failed.
Maybe that's a bit of a roundabout way to just say, don't be afraid of failing and trying. Your 20s are such a blessing. And you have such a thick cushion pad for screwing up and jumping back off again. You're young, and you're adaptable. You just have a lot of energy as well. Fail a lot.
I think the only reason I got to where I am today, and I get to live this lifestyle that I do is I failed so much; I was afraid of failing, but I did it anyway. You can be afraid of failing, everybody's afraid of failure. Nobody wants to, I don't know, make a fool of themselves or start something and start a business and have it not work out. Of course, that really sucks. But can you feel the fear, know the consequences and the risks, and yet still, yet still have the courage to do it anyway? See it through because it is going to help you grow and help you attain the life that you want.
I mean, I cannot even tell you the amount of times I have failed in so many projects in so many little things. For starters, back in my high school years, I loved calligraphy, and I wanted to start a calligraphy business. I even did a few calligraphy projects, that was really cool. I got paid for a few of them as well. I wanted to start a business, and I had business cards ready. But I was so shy and so unsure of myself that ended up not working out. And so I self-sabotaged myself there. I started then after that, freelance photography. I really wanted to make a living creatively, and I got quite a few jobs. But again, I didn't really trust myself; I didn't really believe my work was worth a lot of money and so I did a lot of things for free or in exchange, and I got a few paid projects, which was amazing. But again, it failed.
Then I started a travel blog and I did that consistently for a year, like blogging every week for a year. And at the end of it, I analysed like, okay, was that a successful year? Is this something that I can see myself doing? And it was kind of like a no because it was a lot of work and I didn't really get the returns that I was hoping to get from it. I would have considered that also a fail, and in between that I did a few random jobs. And they were like, for example, working in cafes, I worked as a kayaking outdoor guide in Norway. I loved them! I think I was quite good at them, but it wasn't the thing that I wanted to do forever. They were an experiment that taught me a lot and made me realise that I didn't want to do it forever, but I loved doing them.
Even in my own business now, when I finally started my web design business, like the first six months, were a fail, man, like, I just did it anyway. The fast version of anything is always going to be really shitty; you’ve got to try and make it less shitty every time. My web design business now, which is now thriving, people go, Oh, you've got a successful design business, and you're doing really well and everything. And I'm like, Yeah, but you haven't seen all the times where I have failed.
A recent example could be that I wanted to make more passive income, and I created a product; it was a template because everyone else was doing templates. And everyone was like, oh, it's fantastic. Passive income. Lots of people are looking to buy templates, and you should make templates. And I'm like, okay, cool; I make a template. I did it. I sold, you know, a bunch but nowhere now, you know, the volume, which I was hoping for. And I would have to say, I wasn't super motivated, or my heart wasn't fully in it; I kind of did it from a place of ‘should’ because it would be cool. I would consider that a fail.
I’m currently planning a few other things, which may work out which may not, but basically, by now, I've learned that if I fail, that's cool; I'll just go do something else.
And I'm less than less afraid of failing now, which is great because I'm less and less afraid of starting something new. Which is actually, well, the world needs more of that, more people who have great ideas, and are not afraid of failing, and just go after their ideas. Because you never know, your ideas could benefit so many people, and because of your fear of failing, you might not do the thing. So many people might miss out on the value that you could give and contribute to the world. It's one of those mindset things. But the more you fail, the less you're afraid to fail. I really hope that this is a lesson you will learn quite early on.
And the last lesson, number seven, is never stop dreaming big.
And don't let anyone fucking tell you that you can't have the life you want. Go prove them wrong, work smart for it, go so hard after your dream. Surround yourself with big dreamers because there are people who will be jealous or who will try to pull you down to their level because they're incapable of dreaming big, or they don't have the confidence in themselves that they could attain the level of success that you are envisioning for yourself. Don't let yourself get pulled down by those people. Let them go—they're toxic people anyway. And really let yourself dream big.
At least once a week,I sit down in a cafe and just let myself dream big. Like, where do I want to be in a year, three years, five years from now? What kind of business do I want to be running? What kind of what does my day look like? Who's around me? What other new big projects do I want to realise in the world?
It doesn't always have to be business related, it could be lifestyle related. It could be you want to have a family. Do you want to sail around the world? And you know, why can't you have that? Don't let anyone tell you that you can't have that if you want to work and travel the world for an entire year. Dream it! It'll never come into fruition if you don't let yourself dream it, and if you don't let yourself believe it.
Everything comes from the belief that it's possible, and then your brain starts, you know, kicking into gear or getting to work, and then belief leads to thoughts, and thoughts lead to actions, and then actions lead to…well, it’s actually manifesting and happening for you.
Dream big; it's an exciting period of your life. It's just all so many possibilities, so many things you could achieve, and you could do. Just have the best time, sit in a cafe for an hour or wherever you want to be, and just let your thoughts and ideas go wild.
If you feel called to, I would love to hear what your biggest lesson has been so far from your 20s or, you know, What lesson are you currently in the process of learning? Send me a DM on Instagram at Emily Peilan.
